About this site's lack of design: Yes, it's supposed to look this way — I'm helping create a new sandbox theme for WordPress (see it on GitHub).

Dan Rubin's SuperfluousBanter

Suffering from chronic idiocy since 1977

Archive for October, 2009

The Art of Washing Forks

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Wash­ing a fork is a spe­cial skill, often requir­ing an exten­sive apprenticeship—usually at the hands of your mother, father, or skilled caregiver—and years of prac­ti­cal application.

If you don’t get it right, food will remain stuck between the tines. If there is food between the tines, the threat level is ele­vated to dis­gust­ing (aka “green”).

Many peo­ple leave food between the tines when they “wash” their forks. Many peo­ple also find a sink full of dishes dis­gust­ing. The dif­fer­ence between these groups, in my expe­ri­ence, looks some­thing like this:

Venn diagram showing an almost complete overlap of people who can't wash forks, and people who hate full sinks.

I leave my sink full for weeks at a time. But when I wash my dishes, they are spot­less, right down to the space between the tines.

This behav­ior illus­trates how my brain func­tions: Extreme pro­cras­ti­na­tion, with per­verse atten­tion to detail at the time of execution.

This may also be the best way to under­stand the lack of love and affec­tion this blog site has received over the last year (or more). Blog­ging has become my sink: ideas pile up for days weeks months on end, while I spend time think­ing about redesign­ing, refo­cus­ing, and clean­ing things up in gen­eral. As the site con­tin­ues to be ignored, strange things begin to grow between the tines creep into the exist­ing site design, or sim­ply break outright.

A site can only lie dor­mant for so long before peo­ple write it off, much like a fork can only sit in a glass of water for a cer­tain period of time before it starts to rust and cor­rode. How­ever, an author must also be inspired by his envi­ron­ment, and some­times, when that envi­ron­ment ceases to inspire, the process of cre­at­ing a new one can take a lot of scrub­bing and elbow grease.

Trust me: when I’m ready, the tines will be spotless.